6 Terrible Feelings You Need To Learn To Live With

If you thought that the end of pregnancy was all about giving birth to that lovely little cherub and start enjoying life with him, you are completely misguided. The aftermath of birth will leave you spinning like a revolving door. 

The emotional imbalance you have to deal with after giving birth is so much more severe than what you have ever imagined. No wonder the after birth is called the "fourth trimester". 

Here are 6 feelings that I had to quickly learnt to live with and that even though I experienced them before, after a baby they have a whole new meaning:

1. Guilt: This is just simply us being too hard on ourselves. Come on, we are all playing it by ear, but if you ever think that you are not doing it right (which is constant!) we feel this way. I've never felt guilty about the things I said or did before having a baby, but now I am feeling it all the time. I even wrote a specific article about guilt, you can read it here. 

2. Resentment: I didn't know much about this one until I found myself at the end of the bed a 3am (after what it seemed to be an eternity of sleepless nights) hearing my husband snore away and the tiny human trying to suck my soul through my nipple. Suddenly an urge to punch my husband in the face overtook me. I came back to my senses before I did anything of course, but I resented him. Mainly because he also has boobs but his are not cut out for the job! why doesn't his boobs work?!?!?!  

3. Ignorance: Whoever said 'Ignorance is bliss' clearly didn't have a baby. I really don't like feeling like I'm constantly playing it by ear. There are schools and universities for everything, why can't there be one for parenthood? The "university of life" doesn't count! Everybody wants to be the best parent they can be, and do the best for this new life, but let's be honest, we are totally clueless. They key is not letting your kids know about it or your hardly earned credibility goes down the drain.  

4. Fear: I am in a constant state of fear. Fear that something could happen to him, fear that I could lose him, fear that he could get hurt. When I walk down stairs with him in the morning I hold on tighter than ever to the hand rail, when I put him on the car sit I tight the straps as tighter as I can. Even when I'm asleep I wake up just to check on him to make sure he's still breathing... 

5. Sadness beyond believe: Are you kidding me?! Trying to unsuccessfully deal with all the previously mentioned feelings will push you over the edge and will make you cry for nothing, or everything, ALL THE TIME. It is all sooooo incredibly overwhelming that I honestly felt totally bipolar. Here is when the 'eat everything you want because you are breastfeeding' stage kicks in, and you are allowed to have a tub of ice-cream a day if you feel like it... I sure I did!  

6. Love you've never experience before: Here is the joke - the love you will feel is much stronger than all the other feelings combine together. When you see him sleeping, when your cuddles are the only thing that will stop him crying, when he sees you across the room and gives you the biggest smile because he knows... he knows you are 'ma-ma', the one and only. I guess you feel ignorant, or fear, or sad just because you love him SO much; you cannot have one without the others. 

The Guilt Trip

There are a lot of new feelings that I am learning to deal with now that I am a mom, but guilt is the most frequent and most annoying of them all. I am not used to feeling guilty for things I do, but now that I am totally responsible for another life I am constantly questioning if what I'm doing has the remote chance of screwing his life for ever. 

Everything that happens to this little person in your life is on you. From his belly button healing properly, to the nappy rash, or to even getting a cold, you will feel guilty about it. 

The worst part about this feeling is the fact that you cannot win...

If you use the dummy you feel guilty because you might be encouraging a lifetime of visits to the dentist, and if you don't you feel guilty because he cries, or because he needs to be latched on to you all the time. 

If he falls asleep on you, then you are encouraging a bad habit and getting him used to not sleeping by himself on his bed, but if you leave him to sleep by himself you worry he might not feel protected or loved.  

You might feel guilty for bottle feeding him (I know I did); you feel guilty for using the dummy (you can read why here); or you feel guilty because you are not using reusable nappies (you know who you are)... If you co-sleep, if you feed on demand, if you have a strict routine... EVERYTHING! 

Read Next: The Truth About Breastfeeding

To top it all off, the fact that everybody likes to contribute to how you do things. Why do total strangers (on the street) think it's ok to stop you and tell you that the baby should be wearing gloves because it's cold? In fairness to the lady it was middle of winter on a windy day, and the three layers of clothes plus the coat plus the two hats and boots weren't warming enough... Might be these things only happen to me...

What I realized though, is that his life has only just started, so this is only the beginning, which means that I have a life time to enjoy this guilt trip. What I will do then is learn from it and improve for the next baby... Or become that lady on the street, so watch out people.  

The grass is always greener on the other side

I have recently made the decision to stop breastfeeding and start bottle feeding my little one (you can read why here). However I only just noticed some benefits about breastfeeding that go beyond the obvious that everybody tells you about. These are the benefits that you only think about once you are on the other side.

1. You don't have to think about cleaning bottles at 3am because your little one is going through a growth spurt and you miscalculated the night feeds.

2. You don't have to think about how the hell are you going to sterilize the bottles while you are on holidays

3. You don't need to carry bottles with water in your baby bag when you go for a walk in the park "just in case"

4. You don't need to entertain your baby when he cries his eyes out while you wait for the feed to warm up

5. You don't need to worry about going on a long haul flight. I was carrying 6 empty bottles and 6 ready made feeds and I was praying for no delays as it meant another feed I might not have!

6. You don't need to think about where you feed him. You can even do it while you walk if you have him in a sling.

7. And the best one of all, you have one hand free to change the TV (I know more than I should about The Only Way is Essex), or more importantly stuff your face! So jealous...

It was only by talking to friends who breastfeed that I realised there are also some hidden benefits from bottle feeding too:


Read next: The Truth About Breastfeeding

1. The chances are if your baby takes the bottle he would probably take a dummy, which are a godsend in some critical "melt down in public" moments

2. You can take a night off to catch up on sleep because your other half can take over

3. You can have a girly weekend away, while husband takes over

4. You can enjoy date night without worrying about rushing home for a feed (grandma is well trained on the bottle feeding from)

5. You can sleep on your front!

Ok, so there are not as many points as the breastfeeding list but I am sure the "catching up on your sleep" point counts for at least 3 spaces!

Oh well, you know what I mean... The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...

My son has special powers

Ever since he was a tiny newborn I have noticed he was different, special. Of course he is special, he is mine and I am biased!. But what I noticed was something different, something I couldn't really put my finger on. And after a few weeks into motherhood it hit me: he is a psychic! 

Let me explain how I got to this conclusion: 

1. He can sense when we are about to eat: EVERY SINGLE TIME! It doesn't matter if it's lunch or dinner, and it doesn't matter if we keep changing our meal time to confuse him! He knows exactly when the hot meal is on the table so he will kick up a fuss because he doesn't want to miss out. How dare us leave him out?! At the end of the day a warm unreheated meal is overrated, right? 

2. He wakes up at any attempt of laying him flat, except when it's on mom and dad's bed: you have spent the best part of an hour rocking him to get him to sleep. He is in your arms asleep and you feel victorious, so you start the walk to the moses basket. As slowly as possible, you are even tiptoeing, you put him down. But wait, your arm is stuck under his head, Damn! You consider sleeping on the floor like that or attempting to get it out. You try, but at the sightliest move he wakes up and resets all what you've done to zero. You need to start again! Slow, fast, with a hot water bottle to heat up his spot beforehand, nothing!!! Every time: fail! Unless... He is in the big bed. How does he know?!?!?

Read Next: 3 Things As Scariest As Birth

3. He can tell the difference between you standing and you sat down: the oldest trick in the book and the one that never fails is gently bouncing the baby while vigorously moving him left to right. It is the last resort and it normally comes accompanied by you walking in circles around the room in an attempt to calm yourself down too. Finally, the little cherub is calm and asleep in your arms so you slowly stop the walking (but continue all the other moves) and prepare to sit down because, who needs all that exercise?! you have to save your energy for getting in and out of bed ten times tonight. But he knows! As soon as you feel that comfy sofa on your bum and you excel with relief he starts crying again which only makes you bounce back to the standing position like a spring. But how does he... Oh, who cares...

"Summer" is Here

The sun is shinning and I can't wait to go out to the park, with a baby that mostly sleeps and doesn't understand exactly what's going on... but still!

It's Sebs first summer, and I'm actually not remotely prepared to take him out under the sun. This was the perfect excuse to go SHOPPING!!! So I did...

I was on the hunt for hats, but which one is the best to protect his fair skin? There are so many options I couldn't make up my mind, and so I bought many!

Here are my favorite ones. The practical and obvious "fisherman" hat (you can see him wearing it here), and the cutest of them all, the beret (which I am sure won't protect him as much but he looks so cute!!!). Both hats are from H&M. 

The problem is that I couldn't stop my shopping spree there... I had to get him a whole outfit, and so I did. 

The chinos are from Primark, and the braces are from H&M. The best thing about the braces is that I can use them with any jeans/trousers/chinos, and I can adjust them so he will be wearing them for longer than a couple of weeks (he grows out of his close so fast that I can't keep up!). 

Now, let's get the picnic blankets out of the garage, the Pimm's out of the fridge and head down to the sunny park. 

3 Things As Scary As Birth

When I found out I was pregnant there were two things on my mind. The obvious one:"I'm soooo happy" and much more worrying one: "He's gonna have to come out now". 

Birth scared the hell out of me, but only after birth I started thinking about other things that are as scary. And no, you cannot get pain relief for them! 

1. The first poop: This one was obvious. Everybody tells you about it, and inevitably it will happen, the question is: how fast?! You can try to get over with it quickly, or like me try, to avoid it like the plague by not eating anything... 2 days latter and it happened anyway. By the way, make sure the bathroom is not far or you might not make it. Conveniently they forget to tell you that it's not just bladder control that goes on strike after giving birth!

2. The first time you have sex: this is the elephant in the room nobody really talks about. Let's be honest, we are all thinking about it, even your other half - you just popped a watermelon out of your privates, how could everything be ok down there?! After the emotionally scarring labor, together with the sleepless nights you promise to yourself you will never have sex again, NEVER! After all, that careless drunken night of sex is what got you into this mess. But some time passes by and curiosity gets the best out of you. Is everything on its place? Is everything stretched now? You open the bottle of wine ready to let history repeat again, with one difference though, birth made you wiser, so this time you are using two condoms! 

3. The first wax: The thought of someone putting hot wax into my recently tear and repaired parts makes me look back on the birth with fondness. Do I need to say more? I wish I could have an epidural for the first wax after birth. 

I have passed the hoops from the first two, but for this one I am just hoping the "jungle look" comes back into fashion before summer arrives.  

Funny Memes

This post is going to come back to bite me on the bum. When I am older and living in a care-home, we will know why! But hell, he pulls to many funny faces to let the opportunity pass by... 

Let me know which one is your favourite, or even better, other quotes that can be used with the images. 

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7 Must-Have Apps For New Moms

As a new mom I suddenly found myself overloaded with things to do and no time to do anything... You have no idea how demanding this 8 pounds size human can be! Here are my top apps that are making my life easier and hope they will help me through the first year:

1. Meal Planner Pal (free)


Awesome app to organized the meals for the week so the husband knows exactly what to cook each day! 

2. Relax Melodies (free)

It has white noise to help the baby sleep (including the vacuum cleaner!), and all sort of other melodies. The best part is that you can mix two or more sounds to create your own relaxing melody. 

3. The wonder weeks (paid)

I love this app! It gives you personalized information about your baby's development that not only explain the periods of fuzziness of your baby but also how to help him achieve the new skills for his age. 

4. WebMD Baby (free)

I have spent so much time on this app! Thanks to it I have only called the doctor twice a week instead of, well, constantly! 

5. Baby Tracker (free)

Believe me when I tell you that you will get obsessed with poop, sleep and eat. So you better keep track with this app. 

6. Shopping apps (free)

It is not all about the baby, you can't forget about yourself! Here you have loads to choose from, my favorites are Asos, H&M and Topshop.

7. Kick ass games (various)

When you are done online shopping why don't you just kill some time at 2am by playing a game? The crowd's favorites are Candy Crush (of course!), Hay Day and Fruit Ninja. 

Is there any other app that has make your life easier after your baby was born? I would love to know!

4 signs your baby is teething

Teething is an unsettling time for a baby and for a parent, so it is completely understandable for you to have spent the last three days researching in Dr Google exactly the symptoms and how to help your baby through this time. 

It is reassuring to know that it could happen at around 6 months... hold on, it could happen from birth... oh no no, from 18 weeks... well, clearly nobody really knows exactly, so I just hope the below can put your mind at ease!

1. Dribbling and drooling

If you have to use several bibs in one day or change his clothes because they are wet then that is a definite sign he is teething... Or it could be that he is just a baby and that you actually have the type that drools as much as a Great Dane!

2. Hands in his mouth 

If your baby constantly has his fingers, hands or fist in his mouth then he is definitely teething. Even more so if he has both fists in his mouth, which is pretty impressive so please take a picture and share it! ... Or it could be that he is just a baby and is discovering his mouth. 

Read: The Odyssey of His First Night Alone

3. Flushed cheeks 

This is a sure sign your baby is teething because of the pressure of the teeth trying to break through the gum are making his cheeks flush... Or maybe you just need to turn the heating down or give those oh-so-kissable cheeks a rest.

4. He is really cranky and cries all the time 

If your baby is really unsettle and cries more than usual then he is most likely teething... Or he might be just hungry, or needs a nappy change, or is going through a growth spurt, or he might just need you to get your head out of Dr. Google and pay him some attention! 

So if your baby presents any of the above he must be teething, but just in case let's call the Dr. for a third time this week just to be completely sure. At the end of the day, it's our right as first time moms!

If you want real information why don't you try the NHS website, or BabyCentre. 

The truth about breastfeeding (well, my truth :-))

It is simple - it is not for everybody and that is OK!

"It hurts at first; just for the first couple of weeks" they say. That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Well, think again! During the first weeks you are breastfeeding at least 12 times a day... For 14 days... 

But it doesn't stop there, oh no! On top of that, if you are not careful, chances are you will get a cracked nipple. Again, let me tell you, when you have that little bundle of joy wrongly latched to a cracked nipple 12 times a day, you are in for a world of pain. 

What is that? What if you had a c-section you said? Well, you will think you are something out of the circus trying to juggle your baby to get him away from the scar but still on to your cracked boob. 

So you say to yourself, "I just went through 36hs of labour, I won't give up now." And so you push through the first weeks of pain, the cracked nipple horror, the c-section, the cocktail of hormones leaving your body, the lack of sleep...and you think there is light at the end of the tunnel... 

But hold on, what is that? Mastitis? Oh yes! It comes so quickly that you don't know what hits you. By the time you realize what it is you are shaking in bed with a fever. The solution? Breastfeeding through the pain of mastitis is the best chance you have for recovery (and also get antibiotics from Dr.).

Read: 4 Signs Your Baby Is Teething

If you are still breastfeeding after all these I applaud you! I see my friends who are still breastfeeding and I am very proud of them because it is much harder than they make you think. Me on the other hand, I felt like breastfeeding was the most twisted form of torture...

As I said, breastfeeding is not for everyone. So if you make the decision not to do it, it is ok. We all want what is best for our babies, and at this point what my baby (and my family) really needed was having me at the top of my game to take care of the new arrival. 

Despite all the looks I get when I get a bottle out at a restaurant I chose not to feel guilty about it. There is plenty of other things in my baby's life I am sure I will feel guilty about, not this. 

4 hospital bag must haves

Packing my hospital bag felt like I was packing for a holiday abroad. It was exciting and nerve wracking. The prospect of this new baby you have been waiting for so long and the fear that overcomes you when you put that tiny nappy on the bag knowing that you have never changed one before (don't worry, you will be sick and tired of nappies soon). 

I had my bag ready three months before the due date, but I think I must have unpack it and re-pack it every week. And still, when I was in hospital I realized there were some things that I needed. Nobody tells you about these things, so here they are...

1. Baby nail clipper

As you probably know babies are born with hair and finger nails. What you don't realize is that those tiny fingernails are like razor blades; 10 tiny very sharp razor blades. 

So pack the clippers and take advantage of how much they sleep on the first few days. Your boobs and probably the rest of your body will thank you for it. 

2. Nappy rash cream

The advice says with water and cotton you are good, but the baby's delicate skin is constantly exposed to pee and poops. Seriously, for being something so tiny the volume of poop that comes out of them is ridiculous. The last thing you want is also having to deal with nappy rash, so don't forget the cream.

3. Bottles

You really don't know how baby feeding is going to go. You might be ok with breastfeeding from day one, or you might struggle. In case of the latter it is better to be prepared, and have a couple of bottles of your choosing sterilised in your bag. At the end of the day the baby needs feeding, and in case breastfeeding doesn't as expected it's better to use your own bottles rather than hospital ones.  

4. The mother of all treats 

Is there a chocolate bar or packet of biscuits that you have always wanted but never bought because you thought the price was a bit too much? Well, this is your chance to get that treat and put it in your bag. At the end of the day, you just push a watermelon size baby out, you deserve it and there is no better time to indulge/celebrate with it. 

5 people who will test your parenting skills

Being a first time mom is hard. You are suddenly responsible for this tiny human being that is so incredible demanding, and let's be honest, you have no idea what you are doing. 

I find myself doubting about every single thing I do. "Is this the best brand of nappies?" "Is this the best washing tablet for your delicate skin?" "Why are you still crying?!?! I've fed you, changed you, fed you again. Is it your ear? Or your throat? Or a rare condition that I might not be aware of?!?! Let's call the doctors for the third time this week". 

It is hard work, especially when you feel you are playing it by ear every day. So imagine on top of that having people second guess you?! 

1. Your own mom

My mom is a pretty good starting point as a role model goes. And in all honesty, I think she has done a pretty good job! So it is hard not to doubt yourself when she second guesses you. 

I personally have to deal with questions like "isn't the baby sleeping too much?", "which doctor recommended the formula powder you are using?", or my favourite "his cheeks are pink, are you sure he doesn't have a fever?!?!" (to give you some context, this was through Skype). This last one sends me into panic mode and even though I know for a fact he doesn't have a fever I still get the thermometer out and check him at least three times to be sure. 

2. Your mother in law

It is point 1 all over again, but the difference is you cannot tell her to back off. 

3. Friends with no kids 

I have to admit, I used to be one of those. Having to be louder than the kids running around you in order to have a conversation, or having to arrange a get together way to far in advance so they can arrange for babysitters, used to put me in the worst mood. "How do they let it get so bad?" I used to think. "When I have kids I will still have time for uninterrupted conversations" I used to tell myself.

I now know what it feels like to be on the other side, and it's not remotely as easy as you thought it would be when you didn't have them. 

4. People at a restaurant, at the shops, on the street (you name it)

Have you ever had the need to explain to complete strangers why your baby won't stop crying?

Those moments when you need a break from the routine and the cream coloured walls of your living room. You decide it is safe to go for walk into town and have a coffee. And then, as soon as you sit down, all hell breaks free and there is nothing you can do to calm your baby down. 

It is so hard trying to avoid all the disapproving looks from everybody at the coffee shop. Even the ones that smile at you because they want to be nice! You know deep inside that they are thinking you are a terrible mom! 

5. Your own baby

Nobody, and I mean, nobody, will put your skills to the test more than your own kid. They are born with special powers to push your sanity to the limit, and it doesn't matter if they are a baby, a toddler or a teenager, they will have no mercy when they use this power.  

It is impossible not to feel like you are been judged all the time. Therefore I have a mantra that I repeat to myself every day (sometimes twice a day if it has been one of THOSE days): "he is still alive so you must be doing something right, you are clearly awesome".

Perhaps there are people that make you doubt how good a parent you are? I would love to know so put it in a comment below. 

The oddysey of his first night alone

You, like me, have probably been told that once the baby has moved to his own room everybody sleeps much better. Well, the baby is surely sleeping better. Me, on the other hand, well... Keep reading... 

10pm 

Feed him, burp him and try desperately to make him understand it is sleep time, not play time. 

11pm

Finally, with the baby asleep, I get ready to do the same. Just before bed I check on the baby (still asleep), and check the baby monitor to make sure it's working. 

12am

Tucked up in bed and after reading a few pages of my book I am ready to sleep. Check on the monitor one more time, and make sure the volume is sky high. 

1am

Monitor goes off but no sound is coming from it. I stare at it for what it seems to be an eternity and eventually a noise... A fart that made the house tremble because of how high the monitor's volume was. Clearly the baby is not that bother about it so after changing the volume to a more suitable setting I go back to sleep. 

Hold on a minute, what if that fart came out with something else? Surely, I cannot leave the baby with a dirty nappy all night, or can I? I force myself out of bed to check on the baby. Nothing came out so I go back to bed. 

2am

The monitor hasn't gone off for an hour?! Might be I screwed up the volume before! What if the baby was crying and I didn't hear it?! I might have emotionally damaged my kid for life! Quickly get out of bed to check on him. Incredibly, he is still sleeping like a log. 

3am

Monitor goes off with a very strange beeping. Oh no, the temperature of the room has dropped to 19 degrees and the monitor is letting us know. In fact, it's letting the whole neighborhood know. Quickly, get out of bed to check on the baby. He is not bother at all about the temperature, in fact, he seems pretty content. 

Anyhow, I turn the heating on so the damn monitor stops beeping.

Read: 5 people who will test your parenting skills

4am

Monitor goes off and this time is for real, the baby is crying. Quickly rush into his bedroom, only to find out that he is just dreaming, the crying is actually a very creepy laugh and he is still sleeping like a log. 

But hang on... something smells... Baby has a dirty nappy, so since I am up let's change him. There is no way I can do this without waking him up, so after changing him I spend a ridiculous amount of time making him understand it is still not play time. 

5am

Back in bed and ready to catch up on my sleep. 

6am

Monitor goes off, again, to let us know the temperature in the room is now to high. Of course, I forgot to turn the heating off. At this point I have no energy to get out of bed, so I kick husband out of bed instead.  

7am

Monitor goes off one last time, baby is crying. Husband shows at the door apologizing, because on his way out to work stopped by baby's room to check up on him and woke him up.  He couldn't explain how, and I didn't really care. Only thing that matters is that we have survived the first night of the baby sleeping in his own room... Or that is what he thinks. Me, on the other hand, wish I was the one going to work! 

Note to self: ask husband to oil the baby's room door. From all the checking up at night it is now creaking...

7 Positives Of Having A Baby

Despite of having a cynical view about motherhood, I decided to start the blog on a positive note – and I actually found seven!

1. You can spend the day on your pyjamas

2. Having a glass of wine every day of the week is mandatory to survive

3. You don’t need a dietitian – the baby keeps you so busy that you barely have time to eat

4. He is the best contraceptive – after a 36hs labour, don’t even think about it! EVER!

5. Out of the blue you have the most amazing cleavage

6. Because of the new amazing rack, you have a perfect excuse to go shopping and renew your wardrobe

7. He is the best listener and knows exactly what to say – you can complain to him about how hard all this is and he will reply with the most beautiful toothless smiles

Read: 4 hospital bag must haves